Tonight I shaved off the failed experiment that was known as my "goatee," or "fu Manchu plus chin beard," or "BWAHHH-HAH-HA-HAA!!!”
... It was probably overdue ...
I had never grown a beard, goatee, mustache, or any facial hair with the intentions of keeping it for any appreciable length of time. This one lasted, as it were, from December 20, 2012 until April 13, 2013. Is it acceptable to consider that a New Record when there was never an Old Record of any kind?
The facial hair experiment [gone wrong] was something I had never done before and so I wanted to try it out. It represented something tangible or visible as i was working to develop a side of me that would say "what the hell? Lets give something new a try," and actually stick with it.
So why bail now? I could say that i am trying my best to look forward to a clean start with a clean shave, which I hope will be coming soon (whether I want it or not). I could suggest that doing this now will allow me to reuse old passport photos and other documentation with less hassle from local authorities. I could jest that women may find me more attractive without that mess on my face. There's a lot of options. The honest truth is that it was starting to annoy me! Plus I had no confidence that it would actually connect into a true goatee anytime soon.
Fail.
I'm trying to get back to a feeling that I used to have, that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. Only I don't want that attitude the way it used to be ... Not exactly. My biggest push has been to break down the double-thick wall of bricks between my intellectual and emotional sides. Anyone who knows me knows that the logical side always comes first ... and second ... and usually third and fourth and fifth and then Maybe there's some emotions there. Har har. I want the feeling that I can accomplish anything I dedicate myself to, not just in mind but in heart as well. Thats one of the biggest draws of Vienna: if I can do this, not just sit around by myself but really do it right by meeting people, going out, traveling, exploring, and genuinely living life -- all without the immediate support of the family and friends that I've relied on so much over the past months -- then I believe I'll be on the right path to that goal.
If nothing else, it's something to strive for.
